How About Some Drinx?
by Cornonjacob
Summary: Draven needs more attention so he gets a girlfriend with no boobs so that he gets all the attention but then things get out of legs.
1. Chapter 1

How About Some Drinx? Chapter 1

"Aww yeah, Draven. Draven. Draaaaaaaaaven." Draven hispered as he admired himself in hte mirror.

Resently, Draven's position had been falling in the **metalgame**. The glorious Executioner lived for attenshun, and with his failin viability, **he's** begun to new ways to be in the spotlight once again.

"You know what **would** make me the talk of the Rift again?" Draven asked his reflection as his reflection asked Draven as he **asked** his reflection, "If I had a girlfriend."

Draven thought this was an eggsellent idea, but he quickly found a flaw in his plan.  
"But Rito makes all their non yordle girl champions have huge **breasts**! If I date any of them, everybody will pay attention to them and not me!"

Suddenly Jinx strides in weaing her extremely skimpy cloting and carrying bbunch of weapons. Jinxs clothing she was wherein served to emphasize that her chest was as flat as a **tree** if the tree were sawed down into a completely straight woden bored. Draven understands the solute to his dilemem.

"Hey babe, howbout you date the **saxxiest** man in Valoran?Draven!"  
"I bet your mustache is a faggot." Jinx remarked

"Not Draven,Draaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa**aaaaaaa**aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaven." Draven replied in a voice 20% more seductively

And in that moment, Jinx was instantly smited like a blugolem being leashed before the minions get turned into onions by the fell in love with that adc. Draven's muscular frame was as tall as a 6foot and 3 inches tree, and his flowing mustache could probably block a few mites of dust in the air. His muscular blades were strong enough to throw his **arms** for hours, which he does everyday. His Noxian technique was beatful.

"Cum on Draven, where doing this." Jinx said in a completely deadpan voice.

Draven and Jinx walked off into the enemy base and killed everything together. Everybody saw that Draven is indeed the metalgame as longas he was paired with Jinx. And in that moment, Draven was happy, because he had found in the love of his life and satted his attention whore self with a buttload of adoration, almost as much adoration as the Billy Mays when he ran over his own **hand** to test out new production.

"dRAVEN…" jINX said

"Yes?" Draven said back to Jinx said

"I loaf you" Jinx said back to Draven's **response** as Lulu turned Jinx into bread.

Draven realized how much he loved Jinx's sense of humor and amusement over wonton destruction.

And in that moment, everyone was bread.

And then everyone was dead. And the enemy team was so moved by the strength of this crack pairing that they surrendered so that Draven and Jinx could have the Rift all to themselves. They enjoyed there first date by turning the grandpa lizard into chicken nugger.


	2. Chapter 2

How About Some Drinx?

Chapter 2

And then after their date **Jinx** and Draven decided to get married. It was luv at fist sightstone like in Frozen with Hands and Anna if Huns and Anna were psychotic killers **who** actually loved each other and killed each other and **broke** countries on a daily bassist.

"I'm going to **i****nvite** my fucking brother." Draven thought really hard out loud

Then the wadding happened and everybody came except for the Demacians because both Draven and Junx think they are a nation of faggots. Everybody **was there** except for the damncians. Jinx went and got the finest kid cuisine for everyone to enjoy, all crafted by the Chef Boyardee. But it gave all the champions implosive diarrhea, causing their intestines and anus to simultaneously _gang_ rape their poor unfortunate stomachs. Everyone died and couldn't come back to the wedding because they had to respawn. Everybody except for Darius, Shyvana, and Jarvan the fourth or something.

Darius's's's big stomach won because Darius is literally Hitler and his stomach outgassed his ass. Jarvan was the priest and everybody **knows** that priests don't eat anything ever because their religion doesn't let them eat or have butsaxx. Shyvana is Jarvans dragon ass whore so she's used to internal piles of shit. Jarvan is into some pretty fucked up feetishes (HEH HEH HUEHUEHUE GET IT, "INTO" BRRRRRRRRR)?

"Do you take this stupid cunt to be your wife forever even if you die?" Jarvan whisper**ed loudly**

"Draven does." Draven said

"And do you take this mustache buttmunch to be your hubby 4 life?"

"Is Vi a _big_ fuckin loser?" Jinx replied

And then Jarvon pronounced them a couplet and everyboby started clapping. Lucian (who looked like a normal person but with darker skin) shot himself remembering his own wife, who is now Thresh's waifu. Xin Zhao wanted to cry but his eyes were **2 small 2** let those Tear of the Goddess out.

Also LeBlanc turned into 2 LeBlancs but the other LeBlanc was a guy and fondled Fiora while the other LeBlanc sucked off her baguette because they're fucking french people. HON HON HON. Male LeBlancs oui oui got really hard and turned into le Eiffel Tower. This was happening in the background for no reason.

With the ceremony complete, Darius, as Draven's best man sang a song in a really bass voice about how Draven and Jinx were meant to be together **5ever (dat mean** she luv him mor than 4ever). Then he jizzed all this spaghetti sauce (complete with spaghetti) all over Draven's faggot mustache and screamed

"MY GREATEST DREAM IS A WORLD WITHOUT JEWS!" Darius screamed at the top of his lung

Suddenly, Draven's mustache went and shoved a bunch of oranges down Darius's's throat to teach him the true power of juice, and **beat** the shit out of him for being Hitler with an axe and a bigger forehead. Also because Darius came all over its follicles.

"I guess..."Jinx paused

"Draven's mustache sometimes _**ISN'T**_ a faggot." Jinx punchlined

and then the guests went HUEHUEHUE

like

_HUEHUEHUEHUEHUE_

and Chef Boyardee was like

**HEEHEEHEEHONHONHON**

_**HUEHUEHUEHUEHUEHUE**_

to bee cuntinued.


	3. Chapter 3

How About Some Drinx?

Chapter 3

After many struggles **and** politics, Jinx and Dragen are now legally married under Demacian law. Because Demacia has long been a nation of conservative faggots, it was extremity difficult for them to leglize straight marriage. But they have finally done it.

"Draven, Fishbones says we **should** settle down and save for retirement." Jinx kind of said

"You what bitch well if you think that's an excellent idea than Draven think's it's an excellent idea and if Draven think's it's **an** excellent idea then the idea is an excellent idea because Draven thinks it's an excellent idea and it's an excellent idea." Draven said to Jinx about Draven

But Jinx was about to reveal a secret that's irony would shake Draven to the core. She revealed that they would not have enough money to buy a home because the League doesn't pay Jinx jackx shit **for** being in the League. Because she has small breasts, it is approximately 40 extra Baron Nashor's in difficulty for fucking basement dwellers to draw accurate porn of her and hte government wasn't raking in the cash.

Also because Draven and Jinx don't have a house. They're homeless idiots on welfare yet Jinx has some guns and Draven has conditioner for his possibly faggot mustache so their annoying conservative neighbors tell them that they're cheating the system and shouldn't be on wellfar. Conservatives and Damncians are reall shitheads and they should be on mininininmal wage because they're** a** political party of unprotected butt sax.

"How are we going to get the cash?" Jinx answered

"It's easy, we pick some apples and **we** sell the black man." Draven asked

And that's when they decided to rob the Piltover bank. Chef Boyardee saw them walling into the bank. He **was** still mad because Jinx stiffed him and he didn't have the money's from catering at hte wedding, so he reported them to the polise.

Occifer Vi and Occifer Caitline were doing the gay lasbian when Chef Boyardee walked in so Vi shot him a bunch of times and Caitlyn punched him a bunch of times but it didn't work because they suck at each others jobs. But Chef Boyardee died anyway** because** they had rad buff but Caitlyn used her detective skills and looks at his body to determine what he wanted to report and explained it to Vi really slowly because Vi is a dumb fuck.

"AWW HELL NAW!" Caitlyn shouted because she's black

Caitlyn was still super sand lesbian angry because Demacia legalizationed straight marriage and she was mad because that would ruin the sanctity of her relationship with the Vi. Vi couldn't care less because she's **not** a religious.

"But Caitlyn y the Hell naw?" said Vi

"BECAUSE THAT TURD JINX IS COMIN TO STEAL MA BANK." Caitlyn shouted and **launched** spittle into Vi's face

But the spittle turned Vi on and they decided to do the gay Lebanese because defending the bank is boredom. Vi used the blood of the fallen Chef Boyardee as some gnarly lubicant and fisted Caitlyn until she vomited bear traps with capcakes.

To bee cuntinued


	4. Chapter 4

How About Some Drinx?

Chapter 4

While Caitlyn and Vi were **being** the lebanese and hard...

"This is a stack up! Put ur hands into your ass!" Jax shouted as she and Draven kicked ope the doors of the bank because that's how **cool** people walk into buildings.

Immediately, upon seeing the threat of Jinx and Draven's superior adc scaling, everyone in the bank proceeded to lube up their hands and fist themselves in order to demonstrate **that** they are of know threat to the mustache.

Everyone was stuck in their asses except for one man in the corner of the bank, out of sightstone of the romantic duo. He was stealthed from the Jinx and Draven because he was black and black blends into black (hint he was in the shadows). It was hte **Lucian**.

While Jinx made the bank taller pick up wads of cash in his mouth because his hands were dirty from his butthole and dump it into this oversized bag and Draven ordered a pizza while they continued the robbery. Lucian dashed **through** the shadows toward Jinx.

Lucians skills were perfect, his form flawless, but suddenly he fell down and his stupid dreadlocks got snipped off becaus he tripped on a bunch of Avarice Blades Jinx left on the ground in order to multiply the **sweet** delicious green cash bills in order to shovel into Draven's greedy maw. Without his signature dreadlock, Lucian's soul slowly withered in agony, and he had not choice but to commit sudoku in order to avoid a fate of eternal suffering.

"I'm sorry...Senna...**u** faget..." Lucian whispered as he put the gun up to his nipples, and activated his ult. He moved his slender arms so that the gunshots carved a glorious pattern of squares and numbers into his chest. With the puzzle completed, Lucians soul left him and passed away in piece.

And then it was instantly sucked into Thresh's lantern which was shoved into his butt. Now Lucian is stuck in hell with his wife which makes it double hell for all alternaty.

Thresh's laugh was like the delicious sound of a five man league team turning into a human centipede and groaning in muffled agony as all their legs are simultaneously broken.

Jinx finished stealing all the banks farm, so Draven and Jinx went **to** the roof to watch the pizza hoverboard in the distance (It was hte hoverboard because Piltover is a Futurama but not as fanny) and they decided they didn't want to pay for the pizza wit their stolen cash.

Jinx fired a missile and it hit the hoverboard. The pilot was ejected clutching the pizza. He landed right at the feet of Jinx and saw up her shorts. Draven and Jinx blushed and Jinx's face got caught but then Draven decapitated the pizza **guy** because this isn't a shitty porn and it didn't get any further. Also because they forgot they hated anchovies but ordered the pizza with anchovies. It's the pizza guys fault it was anchovies. They killed the pizza guy.

Jinx and Draven strolled out under the sunset eating their pizza (no dumbass the sun can't eat pizza Jinx and Draven were eating the pizza)

"I wonder why the Piltunder police did no try to stop us?" Jinx wondered into Draven's face

"They were probably intimidated **by** my awesome." Draven boasted about his awesome

"Yeah, and knowing those two fuckin loosas, they were probably being gay again."

"Yeah, hue hue hue hue hue" Draven chuckle responded

"BRRRRRR**RRRR**RRRR HUE HUE." Jinx responded back to the responded

Meanwhile Caitlyn and Vi were still being gay

to bee cuntinued


	5. Chapter 5

How About Some Drinx?

Chapter 5

Jinx wok to the most scene in the **world**. Draven's mustache. She smiled kissed her husbando an remembered **the** night before, stolen pizza shenanigans, blackman suicide, bank farming, and killing some dude 4 his house (they killed hte guy and not **sum** lady so that Tumblr wouldnt get the mad at Kornonjacob's fanfiction)

For the first time in living memory, Draven seemed unsure of himself. It came to no surprise that Jinx had her virgin olive oil because she's an anorexic bimbo, but to Jinx's great shock, Draven himself was a virginity. As Draven stuttered and blushed, Jinx tooke the inishative and they had their first time in some dead guys bed.

Add as Jinx remembered last night fondly, she became aware **that** something was wrong. Draven's faggot mustache seemed a little less lustrous, a little less robust. And worse, that bright bloodthirsty violent light in Draven's eyes and nose seemed dull.

"Bae, I don't tink I feel **up** too soloing hte Baron today..." Draven wheezed into Jinx's face

At that momentum, the worl seemed to crash down around Jinx as her dreams were crushed and shes realize the change in her lover. She knew what was wrong because she had red "The Fault in Our Stars" by **John** Purple, and she knew from the book that when two freaks lost their virginity together, one of them contracts cancer for some reason, and would die from it to create drama. She knew the nightmare that she facing, even if Draven didn't.

Draven **had** contracted mustache cancer.

"Bae, what's the matter?" Draven whispered as he weakly tried to smack her butte

Witout answering, Jinx rushed Draven to the police station and burst into the office.

"THE HELL, BITCH, AIN'T YOU EVER HEARD OF KNOCKING?!" Caitlyn shouted as best as she could through the bear traps and cupcakes that she was vomiting as Vi **cuntinued** to punch her sweetspots.

In **tears**, Jinx said "It's Draven, his mustache, it, it's faggot mustache, it has cancer!" Jinx sobbed

Vi withdrew her fist as Caitlyn's blood ran cold as she rushed to examine Draven's glorious facial hair. She could already see faint tumors.

In a desperate bid, Caitlyn and Vi did what Jinx **couldn't** do, they crushed both ends of Draven's mustache with their breasts to destroy the faggot cancer sells and amputate it, saving Draven's life.

"We're sorry Jinx, but it will grow back in about 4 days..." Vi said, awkwardy trying to console Jinx over this massive tragdy. Seeing that the two needed privacy, Caitlyn and Jinx left the zoo, far **too** shaken and traumatized by Draven's near death experience to continue their Lebanese.

"Jinx, bebe, I was so scared, more frytaned than I've ever been. I thought I was going to die and never c u agen." Draven conveyed in the most heartfelt tone like a man being saved from suicide by a giant onion and crying because he had almost killed himself and not able to stop crying because the onion was peeling itself and then becoming dehydrated from crying and **actually** dying.

Jinx's heart ached at his words but she coud not look him in the eye, in the face, where his now amputated mustache had been, taunting her and blaming her for taking away Draven's virginity and giving him canser.

The cancer created this drama, and Jinx couldn't face it. **She** took Draven back to that dad guys house (now theirs) and left.

Meanwhile, Caitlyn and Vi weren't being gay. They were holding a funeral for Draven's severed faggot mustache, and listening to Lucian deliver the oology. The death of the mustache reminded Lucian of his **own** dead wife, and overcome with grief, he killed himself and they buried him with the facial hair.

To bee cuntinued


End file.
